Since its release in the United
States, that initially self-published little trilogy called Fifty Shades of
Grey has sold more than 30 million copies. It's dominated the best-seller lists
all summer. (Just today came the news that it had been bumped by Gillian
Flynn's Gone Girl in e-book sales. Don't worry,Fifty Shades still has an
overall lock on things.) But with popularity, and/or hype, comes plenty of
reaction, including our own here at The Atlantic Wire. Along with all the
opinions, there have been numerous books with similar themes, similar covers, similar
plots. There have been purposeful parodies and the cases of mistaken identity,
books that have gotten a sales pick-me-up based on Shades without ever meaning
to. There have been a spate of articles attempting to codify what this all
means for women. Now, there's the true-life memoir, Diary of a Submissive, out
today from Penguin, by the pseudonymou Sophie Morgan. The book is being called
"the 'real' Fifty Shades of Grey": "a memoir that offers the
real story of what it means to be a submissive, following Sophie's story as she
progresses from her early erotic experiences through to experimenting with her
newfound, awakened sexuality." It's certainly not the only true-life tale
of BDSM, but it's a comparison the rare publisher could resist given the market.
After all, Random House has reportedly seen a 20 percent increase in revenue
with the trilogy.
But what does it mean to have
written the "real" Fifty Shades? We spoke to Sophie Morgan, about the
inevitable Fifty Shades comparisons and criticisms, and what she hopes to
accomplish with Diary of a Submissive.
Jen Doll: You've read Fifty Shades
of Grey, of course. What do you think about it?
Sophie Morgan: I think any book
that encourages women to be open about their fantasies and experiment sexually
should definitely be welcomed. The book itself is pure escapism, as much about
the opulent gifts and squillionaire lifestyle as it is about the kinky sex, a
Mills and Boon with lots more spanking (yes, Mills and Boon does spanking
nowadays too). It's a great thing. The disappointment comes that despite
millions of people now knowing about safe words and jiggle balls, is that it
hasn't done much to improve how people perceive BDSM sex, and in many ways has
cemented a lot of misconceptions.
How does being "a
submissive" fit into the overall category of "BDSM"?
Dominance and submission is just
one part of BDSM. It encompasses a wider spectrum including bondage,
discipline, sadism, and masochism as well. Generally for me the terminology is
interchangeable, but some people might identify more closely with one aspect or
another.
What does Fifty Shades get wrong?
The problem is that the dynamic of
the relationship between dominant Christian and submissive Ana, even allowing
for the caveats of it being fictional and somewhat based on the Edward/Bella
Twilight romance, is nothing like any relationship I've had with a dominant.
And while I'm not doing surveys of every kinkster I meet, I'd argue it's very
different to most relationships based on this kind of power play. The kind of
high-handedness that Christian shows is actually more a sign of a potentially
abusive relationship that most women would and should run for the hills to
avoid than signs he's her Prince Charming—helipad and penthouse apartment or
not.
Bits of it are definitely
realistic (although I maintain the sex contract is filler and about as sexy as
Sheldon Cooper's Roommate Agreement, despite people disagreeing with me on
Twitter about it), and the characters are interesting enough that even at my
grumpiest I still wanted to find out what happened to them, but overall I was a
bit disappointed. That said, I'm aware I'm in the minority and my view is just
one out of millions who did enjoy it. To each their own!
How did you end up writing your
book? Why do you think it's valuable to present your story as a memoir?
Initially I started by writing a
now defunct blog. It wasn't really for anyone other than me. I wasn't promoting
it or looking for people to read it, but I found writing about what I was
experiencing sexually after I'd tried new things was fun, and also helped me
get to grips with what had just happened. Particularly early on, my mind took a
little while to catch up with my body (for example, in the moment I'd be
thinking 'why the hell am I letting him do THIS?' even while my body's
reactions were showing that I was really into it), and it was something that
surprised me a lot, and I found it interesting and cathartic to write about
afterwards.
I think my story is interesting as
another viewpoint on BDSM, one perhaps more realistic of people who indulge in
dominant/submissive [relationships] as part of their lives but aren't in a 24/7
lifestyle type scenario. When I first started reading erotica I read lots of
hot things but nothing that really encapsulated my life, where BDSM is part of
the whole but not the whole thing, and where my lovelife and relationships fit
together around it rather than being utterly consumed by it. I think the
realism makes it interesting.
Who are you?
Sophie Morgan is a pseudonym. I'm
33 and a full-time working journalist at a newspaper in England.
What do you want in a
relationship?
Ultimately what I want in a
relationship is the same as everyone else. I want someone to love me, make me
laugh, enjoy doing the same kind of fun things I do, care about a lot of the
same things I care about, put up with my foibles, spend my life with. I just
also want them to hurt and humiliate me sometimes in consensual, hot ways. And
occasionally do the washing up.
Is the book completely true?
The timeline and a few
people/experiences have been amalgamated together both to ensure that they're
not identifiable and to make the narrative structure of the book flow
better—I'm not sure anyone's life could fit the template of a book without a
little bit of juggling. But the emotional responses and reactions in the
situations are all true and honest. Even the post-break up baking, much to my
shame.
What do you think people don't
understand about the power dynamic you describe?
There's a few things. I think the
main misconception is that somehow submissives (and indeed dominants) are
somehow broken. This is most definitely not true—there's no trauma in my
childhood, no psychological issues that mean I enjoy what I enjoy sexually. I
just do, in the same way I fancy Damian Lewis and people in geeky glasses.
Another assumption is that submissives are submissive to everyone—that they're
meek, woolly headed doormats. No submissive I've met has ever been like that,
the fact is the power we give away is earned, it doesn't go to just anyone.
Also, the fact is that even when we submit fundamentally the power of the
dynamic remains with us. We can choose whether to stop—whether that's to stop
what's happening in a particular sexual scenario, or to stop a relationship
we're unhappy with.
In the book you mention that
you're a feminist. How, would you say, can a person be a feminist and also a
submissive?
Despite what I like to do in bed I
consider myself a feminist and find it very depressing that because of my
informed sexual choices there are women who'd want to wave "down with this
sort of thing" placards in my direction. Don't get me wrong, I understand
that what I enjoy is, in a different context which is the key, potentially
another woman's worst nightmare. It's not something everyone might indulge in,
but should I wish to, within safe, sane and consensual circumstances and in
privacy with my trusted partner, I'm very uncomfortable with anyone telling me
I can't or I shouldn't. The sexual aspect of my relationship is completely
separate from other aspects of it. I am in control of my finances, my
reproductive health, my career, my social life and all the other things that
feminism has fought for. I genuinely believe it's the fundamental
misunderstanding of what BDSM is that contributes a lot to feminists'
opposition to Dominant/submissive relationships, and this misunderstanding is
perpetuated in epic fashion by Fifty Shades of Grey.
What would you say to accusations
that you're trying to capitalize on the popularity of Fifty Shades?
With the explosion of discussion
around Fifty Shades of Grey, I can understand why some people might assume that
I am jumping on the bandwagon with Diary of a Submissive. What I'd like to
point out is that I'm not doing that, so much as running alongside the
bandwagon, waving my arms and shouting “let me show you what BDSM is really
like, sexually and romantically, and what I get out of it. And no, my boyfriend
doesn't have a red room of pain...”
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